Sunday, May 3, 2015

Developing Faith To Find

Wednesday marked being in Korea for one whole year! But it meant I had exactly 100 days left until I go home. What better way to celebrate than going to the temple on Thursday!<3 That truly was a great blessing.
   I've been pondering a lot about how I need to change. The work has decreased. We hardly get any lessons and I feel terrible about it, but it's truly been a humbling experience as I've come to realize what things I need to do better on and change. My testimony of fasting is growing stronger. I have fasted maybe 3 or 4 times now within the past 2 weeks with Sister Mustain fasting with me to support me. I didn't see miracles or results of our fasting right away, but during the past two weeks as I've been studying and searching for guidance, the Lord has shown me what I need to do to be a more effective missionary.
Because of the new stake center being now dedicated and open to use, the stake presidency has asked for all the missionaries to come weekly and proselyte around the building trying to invite people to come and take a tour of the building. Our day is Tuesday. So for 4 hours we did that with other missionaries as well. That experience was rough. I forgot how much I struggled with talking to people on the street. I realized I've gotten so used to being busy going from appointment to another appointment that I'd forgotten how to just go out and find. It was really frustrating. I knew I needed to talk to people, and that certain people in my life, most importantly, the Lord would be disappointed in me if I didn't just open my mouth. Having a greenie also didn't help me though. I wanted to help her, but she was too scared, but I knew I could tell her to talk to someone unless I was as well. So, that day we talked to about 4 or 5 out of seeing like a ton pass by us. I left feeling really disappointed in myself.
Going to the temple really comforted me and through much studying I've figured out what I need to do to be better. I really want to make these last 3 months of my mission a memorable experience. I realized that I couldn't go home without knowing I had given it my all and had truly given the Lord my best. Which, if I were to go home right now, I would say I haven't given my all quite yet. I know I can be better.
I was reading in Preach My Gospel about the Christlike attribute diligence one morning, and I learned a lot. I read the suggested scriptures and while reading Doctrine and Covenants 10:4 and Mosiah 4:26-27.
"26 And now, for the sake of these things which I have spoken unto you—that is, for the sake of retaining a remission of your sins from day to day, that ye may walk guiltless before God—I would that ye should impart of your substance to the poor, every man according to that which he hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants.
Verse 27 really stood out to me
 "27 And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order."

From both D&C and Mosiah 4 It says that we should work harder more than we have the strength to. But as I continued to study I came across D&C 123:12-14.
" 12 For there are many yet on the earth among all sects, parties, and denominations, who are blinded by the subtle craftiness of men, whereby they lie in wait to deceive, and who are only kept from the truth because they know not where to find it—

 13 Therefore, that we should waste and wear out our lives in bringing to light all the hidden things of darkness, wherein we know them; and they are truly manifest from heaven—

 14 These should then be attended to with great earnestness." The part "waste and wear out our lives" really caught my attention. If we aren't suppose to work more than we can then how can we "waste and wear out our lives"? I talked this over with my companion and we came to this conclusion.
I truly believe that missions humble us. The Lord wants us to be diligent. In fact, He commands us to be diligent, but He doesn't want us to run faster or labor more than we have strength. Why?? How can that even be possible?  How can we do that if we aren't going past our comfort zone or out "limit" so to say?
I feel as though the Lord wants us to go to it. Do EVERYTHING we possibly can. Work as hard as we can. Just work, work, and then work more. Until we can't possibly work anymore. (wearing out our lives so to say) And when we are exhausted and have reached our limit and feel like we just can't go on, we need to turn to the Lord. We take a step back, humbling ourselves. As we pray to Him, we plead for His help and for Him to give us His grace (in other words, His enambling power) which helps us to continue on each day. I know that as I put this to the test each day, that the rest of my mission I will be able to see more success and be able to say at the end of my mission that I truly gave it my all.
Love you so much!
Sister Kelly

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