Saturday, December 7, 2013

Cold Feet?

As hard as it is to admit, I have really been struggling with the temptation to not serve a mission. You read right. After all the Lord has shown me how could I even let that thought into my mind! Again, I know I need to serve because I received such a powerful affirmation that it was the right choice for me, but it sometimes feels like there is so much that keeps popping up that makes me want to stay! I want to learn more about South Korea and the culture there, but once I do I start finding out things that make me not want to go. The strange food, mostiquos, etc. The list goes on and on! I'm just not that type of person to go through all that. I love the way I live. My nice warm bed. No bugs biting me in the middle of the night. I have a Taco Bell and In N Out right a few blocks from my house. I'm missing America a ton, and I haven't even left yet! It's all so silly really. And to think of what a comparatively small sacrifice it is for me to serve! My Savior, Jesus Christ, suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane and died on the cross for me! That's the biggest sacrifice of all. How dare I? Haha! Word is, a lot of people get cold feet, but you just have to remember why you made the decision in the first place. My mother has taught me to never turn back on a decision made by the Spirit and to discern where every prompting was coming from.
Who am I kidding though? We all know who is putting these thoughts in my mind. Yep it's him alright... Satan.
 I came across this quote on pinterest one time. It says it's by Gordon B. Hinckley, but after research on I did not find the exact quote anywhere. He said something similar but this wasn't all him. Either way though, it's still a powerful and very inspiring quote.
I have the desire to serve the Lord, I know that he has guided my decision, and I know he will bless me. I believe that the Lord will continue to send little boys to this earth who will become part of that Priesthood Army. When the Lord calls me to be a mother, I want to be strong enough and worthy of raising and teaching these young Priesthood holders and daughters of God, as my mother has been and her mother before. With an eternal perspective, eighteen months is such an insignificant amount of time, but with hard work I know it can yield significant eternal happiness to those who are prepared to receive it. Keeping this in mind as well as the unmistakeable answer to my prayer in January, has helped me regain my focus. The temptation is still there and it has never been harder to ignore. There are a million reasons for me to stay home, get married, finish school, etc. (believe me I'd love to) and only one reason for me to serve a mission. But that one reason is powerful. 

The Lord has asked me to, and so I will.

I recently came across Deuteronomy 5:27. It is the response of Moses' people after receiving the 10 Commandments,

 "Go thou near, and hear all that the Lord our God shall say: and speak thou unto us all that the Lord our God shall speak unto thee; and we will hear it, and do it." 

It's so simple! "We will hear it, and do it." I have heard the Lord's will for me through the Holy Ghost, and I am going to do it. It will be a big sacrifice and I may feel inadequate, but then I was reminded of something very important when I read Ether 12:27.

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

I have been called to the last place I've ever thought I'd go. It's scary and new, but I trust my Heavenly Father. I know He has provided this humbling experience to make me better. 
My favorite scripture is my favorite for this very reason: 
"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" -Psalm 27:1

So, take that Satan! Stop scaring me and giving me doubts. Because I chose to serve an honorable mission I will change lives forever and help build the Kingdom of Heaven. With the proper faith and companionship I will do amazing things, I just know it!

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