Hey there! So, this is my very first post. What better way to start my blog than telling my story right? So, here goes...
I've never ever had the interest in going on a mission. Growing up as an LDS girl I grew to have this desire just to find the love of my life, get married and be a great mother and supporting wife to my family. No, I'm not saying all little mormon girls are taught this and that we HAVE to do that, but it is true in that a woman's role is to nurture and be a mother. So, I've always had the desire to do just that. There's nothing I want more than to be a stay at home mom. If you disagree with that, well I don't care. This is my story.
So, when I graduated high school (class of 2012!) and went off to Brigham Young University I was hopeful in finding my future husband there, just like how my parents met.
I loved BYU! Actually... I loved being in college and living on my own. I was blessed to have roommates who were super fun, cute, friendly, and close to my age. I grew super dooper close to my roommate Sarah.
College was tough though. Even for a straight A student like me. I was struggling. As for the college social life, I was having a blast. I loved meeting new friends. I loved my ward! My roommates! And I liked going on dates... But none of those dates turned into a relationship. There were a few almosts though, and each one taught me a good lesson. Let's start with the first guy- let's call him Sparky. Now Sparky and I met actually through my sister. He kinda used her to get to me. He asked to hang out with her and I, but I love my sister and she kinda had a crush on him. So, when he first asked to hang out with us, we both thought it was just a non forward way of him wanting to hang out with her. So, the whole time we were hanging out with him, I was just being myself, but also trying to make my sister look good. I didn't care much to impress him. But turns out that worked in my favor... he was actually interested in me and NOT my sister. When he dropped my sister and I off at my apartment, he asked me on a date. Totally making things awkward cause my sister was right there. I felt terrible, but yet at the same time, I was flattered. I apologized to my sister a ton of coarse, and made sure she was ok with me going. She probably wasn't and just put up with it cause she loves me and wants me to be happy too.
So, Sparky picked me up for our date. We had a fun time, getting to know each other. After our date he was texting me like every single day. We then went on more dates.. and even more dates. Hanging out quite a bit. Then Thanksgiving came and I'm from California. So, for the holiday, my sister and I went home to spend time with our family. I skyped Sparky once or twice. He texted me quite a bit too. When I got back, he seemed like he could not wait to see me. He even told me he missed me. I definitely had been missing him too! So we go on seeing each other more and after a few weeks go by, I notice he wasn't talking to me as much. He also still hadn't kissed me. Which my roommates and I could not figure out why not! He seemed to really like me, and I was starting to really like him. But we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend yet, so I was fine with taking it slow. After my first and only relationship ended before I left for college and met Sparky, I was enjoying getting to know him. I respected that we were taking things slow. Overtime, however, I did notice that he wasn't really wanting to hang out much anymore though. I felt like I was doing all the work, but he worked and we both had finals so I figured Sparky was just busy. The night before I went home, we finally kissed. It was WAY awkward. But what first kisses aren't right? But then I went home for Christmas break...
While I was home, Sparky hardly texted me at all. I was seriously texting him first every time. When we would talk though, we would still flirt.. so nothing seemed wrong.. Then I came back up to Utah. He came over the night I got home Saturday night. We kissed and this time it was way better! It's how the first kiss should have been. I then went to church with him the next day. He took me to a mission farewell for his family friend. Afterwards, we went to that friend's house for a luncheon. I kind of felt out of place, but i wanted to spend time with him still. When we finished eating, he decided he wanted to go, so we left. He ended up inviting me over to his house. So, first he took me home so I could change, and then we went to his house. We played games with his family I believe, and ate dinner. Then we went and watched a movie which included cuddling and kissing. So, sounds like everything was going just great right? Yeah! I sure thought so. By like 10pm, he decided it was time he took me home. I was like ok sure, but it was very odd cause I've stayed over at his house much later than that usually. The car ride home was awfully quiet, but I was kind of tired, and I figured he was too since he was taking me home. As Sparky was walking me to my door, he hugged me goodbye, but it wasn't the same as all his other hugs. I could tell something was wrong. Boy, was I right!
He ended up telling me he just wants to be friends. He likes hanging out with me, but just doesn't "feel" anything.
I'll spare you my long story of how I cried and tried to still date him with him still leading me on. But I will tell you what I learned.
Have you ever seen the movie He's Just Not That Into You? Great movie! Lots of great advice! Let's just say I should have been watching that movie while I was dating Sparky. Would have spared me the heartbreak. So, if a guy isn't really putting in the effort to talk to you or date you? HE'S NOT INTERESTED. ok?
Now 6 months passed. I went on a few dates here and there. Then I met potiental boyfriend #2! Let's call him Norway. Now Norway was cute. He dressed the way I found attractive on guys. Watch, snapback hats and nice shirts. He also was Norwegian! Hence the nickname! On our first date, we both were kind of awkward, but on our second date, I feel like we got more comfortable together. Just like Sparky, Norway was texting me like ALL the time. I was loving the attention. After my bad experience with Sparky, I realized I wanted the guy to prove he liked me and was interested in me by showing it. And Norway definitely was. We would hang out almost every other day. I was trying not to get too attached so I did go on dates with other guys, but when those dates were over, I just thought about Norway. Once I even ended a date earlier just to hang out with Norway instead. I'm horrible I know! But I realized I really liked him.
One day, we were watching a movie and well we had our first kiss. Now, this kiss was not awkward one bit! So, because it wasn't awkward, I was like whoa! Maybe this could really go somewhere. I always felt good around him. He made me feel comfortable around him so quick too! It was like so perfect until I had to go home for a month in May. Bad mistake! The first week I was home in Cali he said he missed me and we texted all the time. But then he stopped.. I tried to play it cool. I did very well and I'm very proud of myself for not texting him first ever while I was home. I was making sure to not let some guy ruin my time being home by me constantly wanting to be hanging out with him instead.
When I got back, He came over and made spaghetti with me. Great right! But we didn't kiss or even hug. He did scratch my back while playing jenga together but that's it... I didn't notice a difference at the time though. I was so sure this wasn't going to be a Sparky again.
But once again I was wrong. After about a week, I could tell that Norway wasn't acting the same. So, I asked him about it. He ended up telling me he had dated other girls while I was back home in California, and he only sees me as a fun friend to be around.
I am cursed guys!!
EVERY time I go home and then come back, a guy realizes they don't like me. Guess what that did to my self-esteem. I was so devasted that the same thing happened to me AGAIN! What was wrong with me?
A couple months went by, I enjoyed just hanging out with my new roommates Danna and Amber Meeks and going to work during the summer. I was in my old roommate Sarah's wedding. So, that was so great being apart of that and seeing her and her now husband so happy. But I just didn't feel right. I wasn't enjoying my life. I wasn't excited about the new semester coming up. In fact, I was dreading it! I was also very home sick.
I found out that my roommates Danna and Amber were both moving back to California. Which meant I was going to be alone. Yes, I had my job. But Sarah got married. My only other friends were leaving me. I didn't like where I was living. I wasn't excited about school. What was going on?
So, like every girl with a problem.. I called my mother. I went on and on crying to her about how I was feeling... then all of a sudden I started talking about going on a mission with my mother. Ha! Like that was even an option I wanted! I then laughed at myself and discouraged the idea! I didn't want to go on a mission. I wanted a boyfriend! I wanted to get married like Sarah!
A week went by and I still hadn't figured out what I should do. So, I began praying about different options. #1. Continue going to BYU and just stick it out. #2. Move back home and get a job or go to school there, and as much as I didn't want to but I did finally make it an option... #3. Going on a mission.
I prayed every morning and night discussing these options with God. I fasted on Fast Sunday about it. I continued talking to my mom about it. She suggested I get a blessing but I discouraged that. (I didn't really feel comfortable enough in my new ward to ask any guys or my bishop for a blessing.)
Then one day my sister invited me to go do baptisms for the dead with her in the Mt. Timpanogas temple. When she first asked I was thinking, "YES! you get answers in the temple. That's exactly where I need to go" So, I was all up for it!
While in the temple, I brought my scriptures with me while we waited in the little mini chapel/waiting room. I was eager to find an answer I just didn't know where to start, so I turned to my sister and asked her to give me a scripture. Off the top of her head she just told me her favorite scripture. I looked it up. Good scripture, but nothing. I then asked her to give me another one, so she did. Still nothing. I then flipped a couple pages and scanned some random verses. Then i found it! A scripture that stood out to me! It was talking about having questions and I was like yes! That's me! It was perfect! I then went on reading.. Nothing. I then looked up the footnote for the verse that stood out to me. The footnote led to a verse about missionary work. I began laughing to myself. I was like, "No way! That's a coincidence, " as I told my sister about what I just read. I flipped some more pages. Scanning different verses. Missionary work.. again. and again! Who was I kidding? The whole Book of Mormon and Doctrine and Covenants pretty much talks about missionary work everywhere! It was just a coincidence. I was sure of it!
After the temple, my sister and I went out to eat at Olive Garden where she then told me about how there was a general authority who once said that there are no such things as coincidences. Forgot who it was that said it but I still discouraged the idea. I didn't want to believe that I was suppose to go on a mission. That's not what I wanted. I kept telling myself it was just a coincidence.
That same week, my mom called me telling me she had a promonting about me needing to come home for a week. As soon as she told me! I had this overwhelming feeling of joy. Finally something felt right! I wanted to come home so badly! Turns out that same weekend was when Danna and Amber were moving back home, so it was perfect timing! I could get a ride home with them. I just had to ask for time off work!
Asking for a week off was no problem! The lead student at work was very understanding. The hard part was getting people to cover my shifts for that weekend that I was already scheduled for. Took some effort and convincing but I got the shifts all covered.
On my last day of work, my boss Jerry called me into his office. I hadn't told him that I was leaving for a week, but I'm sure the lead student Eliza had mentioned it to him and that's why he wanted to talk to me.
Jerry is such a sweet man! He calls me in and just asks me how I'm doing almost weekly but this time I was nervous. Why though? I didn't know. It was just Jerry. I was only leaving for a week. He wouldn't be mad. Would he?
As I sit down in his little office, he asks how I'm doing. I tell him I'm good. He asks how the jobs I was assigned to do are going. I tell them they're good as I smile nervously. Then I just happen to slip in that same sentence that I'm going to be gone next week. He seems somewhat suprised, so I reassure him I got the okay from Eliza, and I got another coworker to take over my assignments while I'm gone. Now, Jerry is very easy to talk to so he just continues smiling while I go on and on. I mention how I have been homesick. I go on explaining how I have these questions on my mind. Then without thinking I tell him about my experience in the temple.
Boy, was that a bad idea! Jerry then kinda laughs at me and smiles while saying that I got my answer. I'm of coarse confused. I continued to pretend I hadn't gotten my answer, but as we continued talking about a mission. I began to cry. I felt the spirit tell my in my heart tell me that I am suppose to go. Jerry was right! I had gotten my answer. I just was so closed off to it that I hadn't been able to recognize it.
I'm going to always blame Jerry for this! It's all cause of him. That sweet man just had to go and invite me into his office didn't he? He had to do that sweet smile of his and be so sure that I was going to go on a mission. haha. He changed my life.
But in a good way. He helped me realize something huge! He comforted me when I told him about my fears about going on a mission. He will forever be a great mentor to me.
After I left his office and left work, I called my sister and cried as I told her how I got my answer. It was such a great experience. I felt the spirit very strong that day. That's for sure. I'll never forget those feelings.
So, there you go. That's how I figured out that I should go on a mission. I ended up moving back home to prepare my mission papers. I'm actually in pain as I type right now because I got my wisdom teeth removed yesterday. All because I am going to go on a mission. Crazy how God can have a completely different plan for you huh? I sure never thought I'd be going on a mission, but now I'm more excited than ever. I've finally come to accept it. I'm still nervous and know there's a lot I need to do to prepare, but I do know it feels right. I still have the desire to get married one day, but I've now aligned my timing with the Lord's. I understand that a mission is what I need to do first, before I can have my happily ever after. :)